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Wednesday 14 October 2015

20 WORST Movie Character Names You Didn't Notice

20 WORST Movie Character Names You Didn't Notice

A good character name can endure in culture and really make a story memorable: Jane Eyre, Jay Gatsby, Harry Potter, etc. But a bad name can make your story sound stupid and weird. 
Here are 20 of the most wretched, dumb, God-awful movie character names. And believe it or not, most of these character names come from wretched, dumb, God-awful movies! 
1. Cypher Raige, After Earth
Will Smith's character in the 2013 box office disaster After Earth sounds more like an evil computer virus than a hero of the future. 

2. Cade Yeager, Transformers: Age of Extinction
"Cade Yeager" sounds like the name of some Vine celebrity. 

3. Rayford Steele, The Left Behind Series
The manly man protagonist played by Brad Johnson (and later, Nicolas Cage) in the Left Behind movies. Rayford Steele navigates the post-Rapture world when he was left behind because (and this is in the fundamentalist Christian book the movie is based on) he was "a negligent father and lustful husband with a roving eye." Heaven doesn't need a badass like him, I guess. 

4. Dr. Christmas Jones, The World Is Not Enough
This improbably named nuclear physicist is played by Denise Richards, who rivals Mark Wahlberg for the title of "least likely to be a real-life scientist."  
5. Toll Road, Hale Caesar, Lee Christmas, The Expendables Series
The whole series is just rife with bad names, but Toll Road, Hale Caesar, and Lee Christmas (played by Randy Couture, Terry Crews, and Jason Statham, respectively) might just be the worst. 

6. Harry Buttman, Bon Cop, Bad Cop
Harry Buttman is, in case you couldn't tell, a parody of Gary Bettman, a joke only hockey fans would get. And even if you do get it, it's dumb as hell. 

7. Caine Wise and Jupiter Jones, Jupiter Ascending
Played by Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis, it's a case of the actors almost having weirder names than the characters themselves. 

8. Omar Sharif, War, Inc.
Hahaha get it? He's named after a famous actor who has an Arabian name! Oh that's good satire. 
9. Knox Overstreet, Dead Poet's Society
It's a great name for a pretentious asshole bully, but Knox Overstreet was, sadly, only one of those things. 

10. Augustine "Jock" Goddard, Paranoia
If testosterone was a human, he would be named Jock Goddard, and he would be played by Harrison Ford. And he'd own a...software company. 

11. Silken Floss, The Spirit
For the name of this femme fatale (played by Scarlett Johansson in the horrendous 2008 comic book movie), creator Will Eisner must have taken a walk down the feminine hygiene aisle at his local drugstore. 

12. Jody Joad, Earthquake 
Played by teen preacher/conman Marjoe Gortner, this is another instance of "actors with stupider names than their characters."

13. Weatherby Swann, The Pirates Of The Caribbean Series
Even if you went to a wealthy private school, a name like Weatherby Swann would get you shoved in a locker. 

14. Cleveland Heep, Lady In The Water
It's possible Paul Giamatti's character is a dig at the city of Cleveland. It's also possible M. Night Shyamalan isn't a very good writer. 

15. Kale Brecht, Disturbia
Shia LaBeouf's character was too ahead of his time, as kale would become popular several years later. 

16. Philo Beddoe, Every Which Way But Loose
Clint Eastwood plays this badass truck driver alongside an orangutan named Clyde. Philo Beddoe, however, makes him sound like a ballpoint pen salesman. 

17. Mayor Ebert and Gene, Godzilla
No one claims that Roland Emmerich is very mature. So to get revenge on two critics who pannedIndependence Day and Stargate, Emmerich named the evil mayor Ebert and his sniveling assistant Gene. Roger Ebert gave Godzilla 1.5 stars out of 4. I guess he didn't have much of a sense of humor. 

18. Tic'Tic, 10,000 BC
A character, not a breath mint. Emmerich's Palaeolithic thriller is a movie where everyone calls mammoths "mannaks" for some reason, so at least its plot is as dumb as the name Tic'Tic. 

19. Kitty Galore, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge Of Kitty Galore
"She's got a name like Pussy Galore! Kids will love it!"

20. Guru Tugginmypuddha, The Love Guru
In a movie that spends the whole time insulting Hindus, hockey fans, and just people with good taste, Ben Kingsley's Guru Tugginmypuddha slightly edges out Guru Satchabigknoba for the title of worst name-that's-also-a-dick-joke. 

Main image source via Virgin MediaCollage source via Richard Crouse

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