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Tuesday 6 June 2017

10 Twitter Truth Bombs That Accurately Boil Down Being A Female

10 Twitter Truth Bombs That Accurately Boil Down Being A Female

Twitter is basically the voice of the people. 
Anyone with a smartphone and a wifi connection can share their opinion on virtually any topic as long as it's 140 characters or fewer, which is mostly a good thing. 
And if you're looking in the right places, it's pretty much a shoe-in for comedic gold, intentional or otherwise. 
My favorite thing about this app is the fact that sometimes it's the inner monologue I never knew existed. After you wade through all of the political jargon and promotional content, you're left with some pretty hilarious user-submitted truth bombs. 
Since it's my job to do the work for you, I've compiled a list of the funniest crap Twitter has to offer the young professional woman. 
Enjoy my sweet cherubs. 

1. Bargain basement finds are basically the only brag -worthy material I have to offer. 

I also find it extremely hard to accept a compliment without redirecting the conversation several times.

2. I also judge my aging process the same way — the more frequently I have to wear a bra, the closer I am to morphing into a haggard old woman. 

As of late, I must be on the brink of death because I can't take my bra off without my puppies hitting the pavement. Why do all good things come to an end?

3. Any real woman knows how important it is to have a direct and clear path to fermented dairy at all times. 

 Few things make a woman as happy as carbs and cheese do, so don't be the reason she snaps in a crowded room full of gabbing partygoers. It's just not cool, bro. That type of behavior should not and will not be tolerated. 

4. Doggos are the currency women exchange leading up to the big bang. 

If your inbox is free of dog memes, then you're probably living lady-free, too. Don't get mad at me. I don't make the rules. 

5. Women have high standards, but only literally. 

I don't ask for much. You just need enough teeth to chew a decently proportioned steak. 

6. He's not wrong. 

Target is a magical land that tricks people into acquiring things they don't actually need, so why would it be any different when it comes to men? If you ask me, this man is the Einstein of his generation.

 Just because you can't comprehend his logic doesn't mean he's crazy. This logic definitely deserves the old college try. 

7. Direct messaging is just a little too, how do you say it? Direct? 

 As much as we say we're not about the drama, we also feed off of gossip, insecurity, and cheap Champagne. Your best bet is to maintain a well-groomed beard, grow several inches, dress exclusively in designer clothing, buy an expensive cologne, and ignore them all together.

8. Why you gotta ruin it by opening up your mouth?!

 Every man is a little more attractive from a distance. Peaceful and serene while they slumber, guys are like little angel babies just begging to be Instagrammed.

Maybe it's the mystery, maybe it's the sexual tension, but whatever the case, it's intoxicating. Unfortunately, that can all be ruined in the blink of an eye.

9. You'd think we'd learn from our mistakes, but we never do. 

 Bangs always seem like a good idea when you're desperate for change. They only ever come across your mind when you are going through trauma or an extreme lifestyle change, which makes them the atomic bomb of hairstyle choices.

At this point, bleaching your whole head would be a better alternative. It's probably easier to fix when you've finally come back to reality. 

10. This is basically the gauge for determining if you won an argument. 

If you hear this magic word, you know the fight's already over. Unfortunately, that's not always a good thing, because it usually means that your man did something terribly wrong. 

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