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Sunday, 15 July 2018

People Whose Awkwardness Knows No Bounds

People Whose Awkwardness Knows No Bounds

Back before the internet, it used to be that you could be a socially awkward individual and there'd be no evidence of your uncomfortable interactions other than your own painful memories that would haunt you in the middle of night right before you'd fall asleep.
So good thing those days are over, amiright?!
Behold the following kings and queens from the Land of Awkward. Don't forget to add your own nervous chuckle.

1. Not sure if this is high-five or face palm worthy.

You have to admire his commitment to fun...mostly. And then you wonder where his friends are...until you realize a guy like this doesn't need friends.

2. Well be more specific then.

If you're looking for the genus and species of the plant in question, then please say that. Otherwise, "George" seems like a perfectly reasonable name for that plant.

3. Ain't no thang.

We should probably all just agree that "thang" had its moment in the sun and now it needs to go the way of "groovy" and "righteous." But let's do bring back "cat's pajamas."  

4. To be fair, these 3D ultrasounds are creepy AF.

That does not look like a baby. Fine, it doesn't really look like lasagna either. But it does more closely resemble a pasta dish than an actual human person.

5. This "family photo" is so much worse than you even know.

All four of these people are actually the OP herself. She staged each pose...on a public beach...with other people around...and then stitched the results together in Photoshop. No words.

6. I hope the new iOS update includes these emojis.

Also, what kind of group does not allow the use of emojis? Is it a fun-hating group? They probably insist on proper grammar and punctuation, too. Whatever, nerds.

7. What a charming story to tell her child some day.

"Well, I was just scrolling through Tinder, and I swiped right on your daddy. We had some Netflix and chill, and nine months later, you were born!"

8. No child marriages here.

With this kind of sparkling dinner conversation, what more could you want in a person? If this interaction doesn't result in a third date, then romance really is dead. 

9. Thank you for ruining ice cream for me for all time.

I'm highly skeptical of your "ice, custard, happiness" slogan, Rita's. If I scream for ice cream and the cops come, I'm going to be very, very unhappy. 

10. Hey, at least he had the foresight to not post the original picture, right?

The poster's lost a couple of pounds, none of us were subject to a picture of his junk. I'd say the first day is going good indeed. 

11. "Christine, I did not raise you to behave this way!"

Christine learned to pound them down that way because she'd seen mom's judgmental face just one too many times during her childhood.

12. But what about if you do a duck face in a selfie?

No? Dammit. Why are ducks so hard to please? Bunch of judgmental quacking jerks. Like they've got so much going on with all their feathers and floating around and stuff.

13. Based on the other guy on the left, this little boy is going to be busy trying to be a good Samaritan. 

If you have to justify your style choices to a 3-year-old, you might want to rethink your wardrobe. To be fair, he had it coming. 

14. Come along on our date, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

If you thought being a third wheel was uncomfortable and humiliating, try being a human step stool. It pains me to look at this... 

15. Brand Social Media 101: If you can't say something nice...

Maybe just stick with "great looking picture!" or "good-looking fans!" and leave off trying to decipher what kind of picture it really is.

16. It's OK, buddy. I still pronounce both of the Ls in "quesadilla."

And to be fair, "chimney changas" still sound really good, as long as they leave off the refried beans, green onions, and wood soot. 

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