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Monday, 9 July 2018

Tattoo Artists Reveal The Dumbest Ink They've Put On People

Tattoo Artists Reveal The Dumbest Ink They've Put On People


Tattoos can be a unique and incredibly personal way to express your true self. But we wouldn't have tattoos without tattoo artists who turn our ideas and self-expression into art. That being said, tattoo artists also spend a lot of time fielding dumb suggestions and putting some pretty embarrassing stuff onto people's bodies.
Over on Reddit, user hanisthegreatest asked the question "Tattoo artists of Reddit do you judge people for the tattoos they want to get? If so what was the one you really thought was stupid?" The answers were varied, ridiculous, and sometimes a little too NFSW for me to repeat. But, that aside, here's a selection of some of the very best stories these artists had to tell.

1. "I particularly enjoy watching the couples that come in and want each other’s names or matching tattoos. They always seem like they just hate each other." —andiewtf

Apparently it's not so much the idea of couples getting tattoos of each other that's the problem, it's the fact that the kinds of couples who want matching tattoos typically aren't headed for a happily ever after kind of ending.

2. "One girl got the 6 inch to 12 inch portion of a ruler on her inner thigh." —ueeediot

I don't think I need to explain the cringiness of this one, so we're just gonna move away from this as quickly as possible.

3. "I had a guy message wanting a portrait of his son, his kid was about 4/5 yrs old in this picture, and he was putting his middle finger up and covering his mouth and nose with this hand. I thought it was different but showed some uniqueness to it so fair enough, I agreed to do it. Before his appointment he asked if I could remove the hand, I explained I can’t guess what his mouth and nose look like, he never got back to me with an alternative picture." —Ashhigh88

Can you imagine how terribly this could have gone if the artist had just taken a wild guess about what this kid looked like? That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. And probably some self-image issues for the kid too.

4. "I wanted to get a potato on my ankle since I was a kid [...] I had a tattoo artist flat out refuse to do it because he thought it was stupid." —mdg_roberts1

Honestly, I feel like this was more about the artist than it was about the request. Obviously the artist wouldn't want that tattoo for themselves, but I'm sure a potato is less offensive than some other requests they've gotten.

5. "I was in the chair getting part of my sleeve done when one of the dudes came into the back room and told my tattooist that there was a young woman at the desk who wanted some stars tattooing on her arm. He sighed loudly and told the other guy to tell her that sorry but they'd run out of stars so no can do." —CableDolt

Tattoo artists are just sick and tired of doing the same stuff over and over and over again. 

6. "A woman comes in and wants an infinity symbol. Sure. Easy enough. EXCEPT, she wants it made out of other smaller infinity symbols. The artist who did it died a little inside." —AtlantisSky

And guess what?! Those smaller infinity symbols were also made of even smaller infinity symbols. And so it goes on and on, forever and ever.

7. "Guy comes in and hems and haws over flash. Finally approaches the counter, eyes sparkling: “I want....an olive.” He got a green manzanilla olive, red pimento and all, the size of a baseball on his bicep. First and only tattoo. We asked why an olive? He said “Welllllllll...I’m dating a woman named Olive. Sorta. But it’s kinda going south. But that’s okay; I really like olives!” We judged him to be of less than average intelligence. And taste. But no less awesome." —ladyughsalot

If a potato on the ankle is bad, then this is just awful. I mean, it's not the worst thing, but it's such a huge, obnoxious piece.

8. "I judged one girl hard when she came in to dads shop. She had just turns [sic] 18 the day before, and wanted three tattoos at once. The first was a hand holding a cigarette, the second said something along the lines of "no regrets" in French, and the third was a lip print on her [butt]cheek. The irony was lost on nobody." —ashrose4789

I've heard it said that if you want a tattoo, you should put a picture of it on your mirror. Then, if you still like looking at it after six months, it's probably safe to get it.

9. "During my apprenticeship I tattooed a kid who lost a bet. It was his friends signature on his [butt]... When it comes to judging clients it's a lot less to do with the tattoo they're getting than how they behave in the chair and the kinds of things they say. But the [butt] tattoo was definitely the dumbest one I did." —rogaineformen

I wonder how much of a tattoo parlor's money comes from lost bets, particularly in college towns around September. I'm gonna bet a lot.

10. "Someone came in asking for a ghost but like...someone wearing a sheet over themselves type of ghost. Without any of the human parts though. And she wants it filled in. We let her know that it is essentially going to look like a big black blob with the eventual ink blowout and she adamantly disagrees so we did it. Still wonder what that looks like now." —saarahpops

Of all the tattoos detailed in this thing, this is the one that I want to see the most.

11. "So when I was 19 I got my [butt] tattooed (it's a really fat, think round as a ball, dragon with dinky wing and derpy eyes eating a cookie). The artist, who's a friend of mine, looks at me and goes 'I gotta be honest, this is one of the stupidest tattoos I've ever done. Don't get me wrong it's gonna look great when I'm done but still, you're a idiot.'" —vanderbubin

Apparently this person still loves their dragon and has named it "Sebastian Buttmunch." Which, frankly, is just about the best name you could give it.

12. "As a tattooist I personally find it awkward when clients want memorial tattoos. Let me explain, I know everyone deals with grief in many ways, I can begin to imagine the process. But usually they want it focussed on their death, the fact they have died. The date and sometimes the time, how they died, many other ways about the focus on the death. I try to persuade them that they should maybe celebrate their life, their memories, something nice that reminds them of them. I think it’s less depressing for the client if they look at the tattoo and they’re reminded of happy times rather than the worst time that’s happened to them." —diabollockical

And here you thought you were just going to have a good time and laugh at randoms. Nope! Made you cry!

13. "Once I tattooed a straight black line on the top of some guy's head. He was maybe in his late 40s, seemed perfectly sane, in good health and completely normal. He had a very tiny and long healed scar right where he wanted the tattoo - right alongside it. I questioned him for almost 40 minutes while I hemmed and hawed about whether or not I should turn it down. In the end, he convinced me he really did want this tattoo and so I did it, even though it still kinda trips me out to this day." —Tattooedunicorn


14. "'Bridget, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I love you.'" —spittingwisdom

This one is actually wild and a perfect way to finish off this whole thing. Apparently, getting this tattoo was the way that some guy decided he was going to apologize to his girlfriend for not marrying her. But that wasn't his only gimmick. He also put up billboards around town that said, "Bridget, I love you. Will you marry me?" Amazingly, it worked, and they're still married to this day

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